Love.

Home is a beautiful thing. By God's grace I am back in Branson for a few weeks this month! I have been away for a whole year. In this past year I've been able to work with the School of Biblical Studies in Kona, Hawaii, teach in different ministries on the University of the Nations campus, and lead a team of Bible teachers to Mongolia. In the midst of all that God has been stirring up my heart for India more than ever before.

So, I was going through my old papers from my School of Biblical Studies (which I did in '06-'07) and  I came across a paper I wrote about 1st Corinthians 13. I thought I would share it. I realized that 25 year old Bekah has a lot to learn from 20 year old Bekah.

"I told myself I would not do an application on love this week. I told myself it was too cliche'. Well, thankfully God is never cliche' and His word never loses it's power. I have read 1 Corinthians 13 probably 50 times. I have heard countless messages on it and referenced it in several conversations. Yet, I have not even begun to grasp the concept of love. As I read it again, and began to chart it, my heart began to beat faster as the strong desire for love flooded my entire being. Love has been so misrepresented. When I think of love I think of the kind of love in the movies where the guy and girl are destined to be together and they kiss under the stars as gushy music plays. Or I think of the way I use the word love. I love everything--burritos, my wrists, my best friend's cat, the shower curtain, candy canes...the list goes on. I use love for every feeling of favor I have. I also use it flippantly for the people in my life. I use it as a way to get off the phone with my mom. Seriously! All this floods into my head as I meditate on love.

The kind of love Paul is talking about astounds me. How is it possible to love somebody like that? That kind of love has not even a tint of selfishness. It is not a strong feeling of favor towards somebody. It's not a tingly feeling inside. It's complete abandonment of all selfish desires, and it is completely supernatural. This brings me to the coolest thing ever---God loves me like this! I've never thought of it in this way before, but this love that Paul talks about is completely pure love, which only comes from the heart of God. This means that God's love for me is patient and kind, and that it keeps no record of wrongs. His love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. His love never ends. My mind cannot fathom this love, so I will stop trying to figure it out, and just receive it with my heart wide open.

This greater understanding of God's love for me spurs me on to to love others. I've always liked how Paul says love bears all things, but I've never completely understood it so I looked up the word "bear". It means to roof over or cover with silence (S#G4722.) I really thought about this and I thought of how my love doesn't seem to cover much. I can be very easily provoked and offended. Sometimes, I feel myself looking for a way to get mad at someone. Peter says that love covers over a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8.) How much sin does my love cover over? God's love has covered over all my sins and He sees them no more. I want my love to be the same. I want to cover people in love, to literally shower them in the love of God.

My heart is yearning for love to flow through it in a more complete way. I am longing to hold people whose hearts are broken and pour love over them. Sometimes, I hold back on fully loving people and stepping in love because I have fear that they will reject it. But, I feel God pulling on my heart, to let go and love. To go and hug when He says to, and to speak love over people as He leads me to. This calling of love in my heart is getting louder and louder, and I don't want to ignore it anymore. The world is crying out for love, and God hears it, and wants to use His people to spread His love to the dying world. Please God, fill me with your love, and send me to your broken people."

I feel so old. I feel like I've changed so much since I wrote this. And God wants me to long for His love with that same passion. Thank you, God, for reminding me who You are and who You want me to be. 

TOMORROW!

WE LEAVE FOR INDIA TOMORROW!

I love India and I'm so excited to go back! I'll be leading a team there for 2 months. I would appreciate all of your prayers. Especially for wisdom and team unity.

I'll be updating this blog as much as possible while we're over there. If you want to get in touch with me please e-mail me.

I was SO nervous about this trip until a couple of days ago when I had a dream. Jesus was in my dream. I woke up and felt so much peace. He is trustworthy. REALLY He is. And He loves you.

I love you too.
Bekah

The "I" blog.

I can write. I know this. I have lots of things to say but I just keep them churning in my mind until I feel ready to explode. This=me exploding.

With that lovely introduction here I go:

I love Jesus.
I don't love being in Branson during tourist season.
I want to be in India...all the time.
I bake way too many pies.
I wish I could take my sisters with me everywhere I go.
I listen to relient K everyday and have since I was 13.
I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love you. Been in my head all day.

I'm done :)

Lead me on

"How do you be a real Christian?" The little girl's face showed the sincerity of her question. I'm sure my face betrayed the shock I felt. A friend and I were substitute teaching at an Awana class here in Ozark, Arkansas. We were simply sharing about our experiences overseas. We didn't even give the Gospel message. God obviously had other plans for this night.

After the class I sat down with the little girl and shared the whole Gospel with her. She eagerly received Jesus into her heart. After we prayed together I explained that all of heaven was having a party because she met Jesus. Her face lit up and I knew that she will never be the same.

The past month has been very difficult for me. I call it post-Asia trauma. God did so much in my life and through my life in the two months I was on outreach but now that I'm home I feel slightly at a loss of what to do. I am staffing here in Ozark until December and then I don't know what I should do. I keep crying out to the Lord asking for direction and He keeps reminding me that He is directing me. He directed me back to Ozark. He directed me to Awana class that night. Then He directed me to His little girl who needed to meet with Him.

So, my prayer for this time of my life is simply this: Lead me on, Lord.

My Paper Kite

I have to decorate my room. Seriously, I have been back here in Ozark for nearly 4 months and people walk in my room and ask if anyone lives there. It is BLAH. So, to solve this problem I decided to decorate my walls with handmade kites. "How hard could it possibly be to make a kite?" I asked myself incredulously. So, this afternoon I began looking for building materials for my kites.

I have this special paper that I bought at Wal-Mart for $8.50. It was very hard for me to fork up that much cash for paper but it's very special paper. It's all different colors with fancy patterns and stickers and other fun accessories. I use this special paper very sparingly.

But today as I was contemplating the handmade kites for my wall I knew that it would only look good with my special paper. The question was...am I willing to risk it? This may sound very silly to you but to me it was a very big decision. I am really terrible at crafty things and statistically based on past projects the kites had about a 5% chance of looking good. Did I really want to break out my special paper for something that was probably going to fail?

Ironically, we talked about risk in DTS class today. The teacher, Michael Leeson, talked about how each person is designed by God and He gives us each gifts and callings. The question is are we willing to step into our gifts and callings and risk failing.

So, I decided to go for it. And you know what? They look terrible just as I predicted. But I'm so glad I went for it. And I'm going to keep trying until they look beautiful...even if it means using all of my special paper. I want to be who God created me to be and do what He made me to do...even if I fail at first. Try, try again.

Enough

"Your grace is enough," I sang loudly as we gathered for campus worship. It was Monday morning and our Discipleship Training School (DTS) was officially starting in 10 minutes. My mind was frantically asking God for help. If you had a seat in the auditorium of my brain you might have heard something like this:

"God, what am I going to do? There are students in this room that are entrusted to my care. I need You, I need You, I need You. Help, help, help."

Never have I felt such desperation...and never has God given me such reassurance and peace. Just as the panic was rising in my heart, I heard what I was singing with my mouth. "Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me."

Instantly peace settled in my heart. I have so much to learn in the next 5 months and I'm so glad that the God of all wisdom and grace is here to teach me.

Hopeful's Progress

I love reading and the great thing about preparing to lead a Discipleship Training School is that you are required to read a lot. This morning my co-leader and I had a meeting with our base director and he gave us 10 books to read...on top of the other 3 books I'm reading.

The book that is impacting me the most is Pilgrim's Progress. I just can't put it down. I feel the adventurous spirit in me stir everytime Christian and his fellows encounter a new obstacle. The scariest part (so far) is when Christian encounters Apollyon. He is almost destroyed but God gives him His own strength in the midst of Christian's great weakness. BAM! Christian overcomes and is able to move on in the journey...getting closer to the Celestial City.

Lately I have felt weighed down as I think of the obstacles to come. I think of leading this DTS, going to India and all the other things I don't feel ready for. But as I read of Christian's perseverance in light of God's faithfulness I am assured that we are more than conquerers. I've realized that overcoming the obstacle is not the goal...but getting closer to that Celestial City is what I must be focused on. Closer to the one who holds my yesterdays and tomorrows.